The prompt for week #8: "Soccer Moms, Single Moms, Nascar Moms"
And my entry:
By 10:37 AM Rachel Howard had completed the same amount of work it normally took her son an entire day to complete. The work had been easy; it had been more difficult explaining to Pam that Ryan was sick and she'd be filling in for him today.
While most moms would've balked at the suggestion, she had reason for accepting. The only thing keeping her from finishing graduate school was her unfinished doctoral dissertation, "Here and There and Everywhere: Jungian Archetypes in Disney's Adventures of the Gummi Bears."
Despite working on it intermittently over 16 years, she had never matched all the protagonists to people in a single natural setting. Undeterred, she took out a printout of List of Disney's Adventures of the Gummi Bears characters to try and match them here.
After watching the redhead across from her sneak drinks from a flask, Rachel checked off Grammi, the gummiberry juice maker. Before long she had checked off the stern but effective Gruffi for Dwight, the talented but moody Gusto for Andy, and the slow Tummi for Kevin. Over lunch in the break room, Jim told the story of him and Pam. Rachel mentally checked off the humans Cavin and Princess Calla.
In the woman's room, Rachel met Kelly. She seemed to know Ryan pretty well, although he'd never mentioned her. After returning to her desk, she checked off the immature Sunni. After thinking a moment she checked off the ambitious Cubbi for Ryan.
That left only Zummi, the fumbling magician prone to misspeaking. Rachel sighed as he was always the hardest to match. Just then Michael walked out of his office wearing a robe and wizard hat. Rachel checked off Zummi and, imitating Brandi Chastain, pulled off her shirt, dropped to her knees, and raised both arms in celebration.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Northern Attack's 2009 Summer Writing Contest - Week 7
The prompt for week 7: "Secret Secrets Hurt Someone"
And my entry:
Jim is talking to Michael in his office. Dwight is eavesdropping from his desk, but with the door closed he only hears a few words.
Jim: Corporate... rewriting reports... pissing contest... Charles... time...
Jim returns to his desk.
Dwight: Jim, can I talk to you, privately. (Dwight motions with his head to the stairwell.)
Stairwell
Dwight: If the future of this company depends on, as you so crudely put it, a pissing contest, then I should handle it.
Jim: What... why?
Dwight: (He looks around to make sure they're alone.) Because I'm an Ultimate Urinating Championship hall of famer.
Jim: Sure you are.
Dwight: (Dwight opens his suit coat and peels back the liner to reveal over a dozen medals. He points to the top left.) Distance. (Bottom left) Duration. (Top right) Accuracy. (Bottom right) Artistry.
Jim: Wow...
Dwight (TH): Of course I'm proud of my success in the UUC. But if my underlings here knew, they'd constantly be bothering me for autographs and to do exhibitions at parties.
Later that day.
Dwight returns to his desk holding a big glass of beet cider and notices Pam has several gold yogurt lids hanging around her neck.
Dwight: What are those? (Dwight looks at Jim, then back to Pam.) What league did you win those in? American or international rules? Were the judges certified?
Pam: Not now, Dwight, I'm training. (Pam sips some water.)
Dwight grunts, then chugs his glass, spilling beet cider all over himself.
Jim smirks at the camera.
And my entry:
Jim is talking to Michael in his office. Dwight is eavesdropping from his desk, but with the door closed he only hears a few words.
Jim: Corporate... rewriting reports... pissing contest... Charles... time...
Jim returns to his desk.
Dwight: Jim, can I talk to you, privately. (Dwight motions with his head to the stairwell.)
Stairwell
Dwight: If the future of this company depends on, as you so crudely put it, a pissing contest, then I should handle it.
Jim: What... why?
Dwight: (He looks around to make sure they're alone.) Because I'm an Ultimate Urinating Championship hall of famer.
Jim: Sure you are.
Dwight: (Dwight opens his suit coat and peels back the liner to reveal over a dozen medals. He points to the top left.) Distance. (Bottom left) Duration. (Top right) Accuracy. (Bottom right) Artistry.
Jim: Wow...
Dwight (TH): Of course I'm proud of my success in the UUC. But if my underlings here knew, they'd constantly be bothering me for autographs and to do exhibitions at parties.
Later that day.
Dwight returns to his desk holding a big glass of beet cider and notices Pam has several gold yogurt lids hanging around her neck.
Dwight: What are those? (Dwight looks at Jim, then back to Pam.) What league did you win those in? American or international rules? Were the judges certified?
Pam: Not now, Dwight, I'm training. (Pam sips some water.)
Dwight grunts, then chugs his glass, spilling beet cider all over himself.
Jim smirks at the camera.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Northern Attack's 2009 Summer Writing Contest - Week 6
The prompt for Week 6: "69 Is Not A Vowel, Kevin."
And my entry:
FACT: Dwight Schrute was a contestant on Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?.
While Dwight had never played the computer game, his family had a large collection of National Geographic magazines that he'd read each night after finishing in the beet field, leaving him with formidable geographic knowledge and the magazines stained with beet juice.
On the show, Dwight's superior reflexes in the Lightning Round were enough to get him to first place after the first round. In the second round, he got lucky and found the loot, the warrant, and the crook, Top Grunge, on his third turn to move on to the finals.
In the finals, the big map was of the Caribbean, which was one of Dwight's specialties. The timer started and the first country named was Barbados. Dwight ran right to it, put the marker down, and the siren sounded. Dwight correctly identified the next five countries, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, Curaçao, Haiti, and Antigua with similar ease. There were still 20 seconds left on the timer when Dwight was told the final country he needed to visit to catch Carmen: Cuba. Dwight froze. After a moment he said, "For many years now the United States has had an embargo against Cuba. It would be against the law for me to go there. What kind of Commie show is this?" The ACME Special Agent tried to explain that it was just a game, but Dwight ignored him. Dwight then picked up the final marker and shouted "Communists!" as he hurled it through the window of The Chief's office.
Dwight was disqualified without prize and the original film was destroyed. Also, everyone involved agreed never to speak of the incident again, which, come to think of it, sure does happen a lot when Dwight is involved.
----------------
I submitted this a few minutes ago with just over 30 minutes before the deadline. I wasn't sure I was going to enter a few hours ago since I didn't have an idea I liked. I'm sure I spent over a half hour minutes proofreading my entry and making small changes, and yet about 3 seconds after submitting it I noticed an obvious mistake in the very first line. D'oh! Since Blogger has no draconian penalties for correcting grammar mistakes I've taken the liberty of fixing it above.
And my entry:
FACT: Dwight Schrute was a contestant on Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?.
While Dwight had never played the computer game, his family had a large collection of National Geographic magazines that he'd read each night after finishing in the beet field, leaving him with formidable geographic knowledge and the magazines stained with beet juice.
On the show, Dwight's superior reflexes in the Lightning Round were enough to get him to first place after the first round. In the second round, he got lucky and found the loot, the warrant, and the crook, Top Grunge, on his third turn to move on to the finals.
In the finals, the big map was of the Caribbean, which was one of Dwight's specialties. The timer started and the first country named was Barbados. Dwight ran right to it, put the marker down, and the siren sounded. Dwight correctly identified the next five countries, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, Curaçao, Haiti, and Antigua with similar ease. There were still 20 seconds left on the timer when Dwight was told the final country he needed to visit to catch Carmen: Cuba. Dwight froze. After a moment he said, "For many years now the United States has had an embargo against Cuba. It would be against the law for me to go there. What kind of Commie show is this?" The ACME Special Agent tried to explain that it was just a game, but Dwight ignored him. Dwight then picked up the final marker and shouted "Communists!" as he hurled it through the window of The Chief's office.
Dwight was disqualified without prize and the original film was destroyed. Also, everyone involved agreed never to speak of the incident again, which, come to think of it, sure does happen a lot when Dwight is involved.
----------------
I submitted this a few minutes ago with just over 30 minutes before the deadline. I wasn't sure I was going to enter a few hours ago since I didn't have an idea I liked. I'm sure I spent over a half hour minutes proofreading my entry and making small changes, and yet about 3 seconds after submitting it I noticed an obvious mistake in the very first line. D'oh! Since Blogger has no draconian penalties for correcting grammar mistakes I've taken the liberty of fixing it above.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Northern Attack's 2009 Summer Writing Contest - Week 5
The prompt for week 5: The "Beers in Heaven" Memorial Prompt
And my entry:
Michael: I was up all night figuring out how I could help make today the best day ever for Jim and Pam. So here's a song that's an old favorite with a new twist. Dwight, would you and your friend do the harmonies for me?
Dwight and Mose walk toward the stage.
Cut to a previously recorded Jim and Pam talking head.
Jim (TH): After what Michael did at Phyllis's wedding, we were hesitant to invite him.
Pam (TH): But we figured, he couldn't do anything worse, right?
Michael: Oh, and in case any of you didn't know, Pam is way pregnant. That dress really hides it well. You guys should see her around the office. She looks like she could pop any day now. Pam, why don't you show everyone how big your bump is? Just lift up your... no? Alright, maybe later after you've had a few drinks.... Hit it!
The music to The Beatles' version of "Twist and Shout" starts.
Well, push out that baby, now, (push out that baby)
Push it out. (push it out)
C'mon c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now, (come on baby)
Come on and push it on out. (push it on out)
Well, push it on out, honey. (push it on out)
You know you look so big. (look so big)
You know you want to have it now, (want to have it)
Just like I knew you would. (like I knew you would)
Well, push out that baby, now, (push out that baby)
Push it out. (push it out)
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now, (come on baby)
Come on and push it on out. (push it on out)
You know you push your little girl, (push, little girl)
You know you push so fine. (push so fine)
Come on and push a little harder, now, (push a little harder)
And let us know that it's time. (let us know it's time)
Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh
Waahhhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhh Waahhhhh
Well, push out that baby, now, (push out that baby)
Push it out. (Push it out)
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now, (come on baby)
Come on and push it on out. (push it on out)
You know you push your little girl, (push, little girl)
You know you push so fine. (push so fine)
Come on and push a little harder, now, (push a little harder)
And let us know that it's time. (let us know it's time)
Well, push it, push it, push it, baby, now. (push out that baby)
Well, push it, push it, push it, baby, now. (push out that baby)
Well, push it, push it, push it, baby, now. (push out that baby)
Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh
Michael: How we doing, Pam, anything happening down there? ...Puuuush!
The camera pans to Jim and Pam. They just stare.
And my entry:
Michael: I was up all night figuring out how I could help make today the best day ever for Jim and Pam. So here's a song that's an old favorite with a new twist. Dwight, would you and your friend do the harmonies for me?
Dwight and Mose walk toward the stage.
Cut to a previously recorded Jim and Pam talking head.
Jim (TH): After what Michael did at Phyllis's wedding, we were hesitant to invite him.
Pam (TH): But we figured, he couldn't do anything worse, right?
Michael: Oh, and in case any of you didn't know, Pam is way pregnant. That dress really hides it well. You guys should see her around the office. She looks like she could pop any day now. Pam, why don't you show everyone how big your bump is? Just lift up your... no? Alright, maybe later after you've had a few drinks.... Hit it!
The music to The Beatles' version of "Twist and Shout" starts.
Well, push out that baby, now, (push out that baby)
Push it out. (push it out)
C'mon c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now, (come on baby)
Come on and push it on out. (push it on out)
Well, push it on out, honey. (push it on out)
You know you look so big. (look so big)
You know you want to have it now, (want to have it)
Just like I knew you would. (like I knew you would)
Well, push out that baby, now, (push out that baby)
Push it out. (push it out)
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now, (come on baby)
Come on and push it on out. (push it on out)
You know you push your little girl, (push, little girl)
You know you push so fine. (push so fine)
Come on and push a little harder, now, (push a little harder)
And let us know that it's time. (let us know it's time)
Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh
Waahhhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhh Waahhhhh
Well, push out that baby, now, (push out that baby)
Push it out. (Push it out)
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now, (come on baby)
Come on and push it on out. (push it on out)
You know you push your little girl, (push, little girl)
You know you push so fine. (push so fine)
Come on and push a little harder, now, (push a little harder)
And let us know that it's time. (let us know it's time)
Well, push it, push it, push it, baby, now. (push out that baby)
Well, push it, push it, push it, baby, now. (push out that baby)
Well, push it, push it, push it, baby, now. (push out that baby)
Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh
Michael: How we doing, Pam, anything happening down there? ...Puuuush!
The camera pans to Jim and Pam. They just stare.
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