Saw this video on Digg tonight:
Pretty good video. Two things:
1. At about the minute mark, they play a short clip from McCain's May 2008 appearance on SNL, where he jokes about his old age. Obviously he was trying to use humor to convince people that his age didn't matter or at least to not seriously consider it. While I disagree with the vast majority of McCain's positions on the issues and think he would be a terrible President, I certainly do not wish McCain harm or ill health. However, considering that he's running for President, his age and health must be examined seriously. After all, if Democratic candidate Paul Tsongas had been elected President in 1992, he would have died 2 days before the end of his first term ended in 1997. McCain will be 72 next month, and if he wins the election in November (shudder) he would be the oldest person to ever be elected President. While McCain's mother Roberta is 96 years old and still going strong, McCain's father lived to be 70, and his paternal grandfather lived to be 61. The stunt McCain pulled in May, releasing over 1,000 pages of documents covering his health from 2000 to 2008, and then giving journalists a few hours to review them certainly did nothing to allay these concerns about his health.
2. At about the 1:30 mark, there's a clip of McCain talking about how sending a man to Mars is a worthwhile ambition. While McCain doesn't get into specifics about this, or why it's important, other than that it would be a great accomplishment, I agree with him on the importance of this. While the cost would no doubt be great, I think it would be worth it. Quite simply, I think that colonizing the solar system, primarily Mars and the moon, as soon as possible is critically important for insuring the long term survival of the human race.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Web Video
Web video is great for comedy, music, and other entertainment videos. It's also pretty good for interview videos, and good for public speech videos.
It is horrible for opinion monologues, instructions on how to do something, and any other type of video where one person is conveying information. Any of these sorts of things would be much better in written form, perhaps with pictures for the instructional things.
It is horrible for opinion monologues, instructions on how to do something, and any other type of video where one person is conveying information. Any of these sorts of things would be much better in written form, perhaps with pictures for the instructional things.
Northern Attack's 2008 Summer Hiatus Contest - Week 8
The prompt from Week #8: Something New And It's Up To You
My entry:
Michael: Who wants to try my new polygraph? Besides Dwight.
(Silence)
Michael: I tested it last night. It's fun.
(Silence)
Michael: Pam?
Pam: ... Alright.
A minute later, Dwight is connecting everything.
Michael: Oh, those go on your fingers? Whoops.
Pam: Where did you...
Michael: Kidding!
Michael looks at the camera.
--------------------------
The big thing about this prompt was that written entries were limited to 50 words, while non-written entries had no word or time limits. At first I had no intention of doing a written entry, wanting instead to do an audio entry using one of the ideas I had from before the contest began, where [redacted]. But that seemed kind of off for the prompt, and when people started actually submitting 50 words (plus pictures) entries, I didn't want to be the one person with a 5 minute audio entry. Also, it turns out I vastly overestimated my audio creation and editing skills, and I didn't get much past downloading a few audio samples. I think it would have been really cool if I had been able to pull it off, but it was not to be. I was going to post the written version of what this entry would have been, but after thinking about it, I think I'll wait to see if I can use it on DMI somehow. After I decided to go with a written entry, the 50 word maximum was even more restricting than I first suspected. With the bigger word limits I was OK with having a mediocre basic idea and then sprucing things up by adding other things to it so that it wasn't too embarassing. But with just 50 words to work with, the basic idea has to be really good or else it's a lost cause. Whereas with past weeks I wanted to wait till late in the week to submit my entry to make sure I didn't regret not including something good I thought of later in the week, I usually submitted my entry early out of fear someone else would do the same idea. Well this week I didn't enter until Sunday because I didn't know for sure what I was going to do until Sunday morning, as I didn't like many of my ideas. Here are a few of the other entries I came up with:
Maury Povich: Andy, you... ARE NOT the father.
Andy: Dammit.
Maury: Dwight Schrute, you... ARE NOT the father.
Dwight: Frak.
Angela: If it's not them, there's only one other person it could be.
Maury: Please welcome Roy Anderson!
Roy: Hi Angela, Maury.
Maury: Roy, you... ARE the father.
Roy: Alright!
-----
Chili's
Michael: Over the past year, I've changed my spending habits considerately, and I'm no longer in debt. In recognition of this accomplishment, I'm proud to present myself... (removes blanket) this!
Next day
Holly: (Laughing) Michael, this fake expense report is hilarious! $6,400 for... that. Good one!
Michael turns white.
-----
(note: the following one is significantly over the 50-word limit)
"Attention Scranton business park, there will be complimentary pretzels available in the lobby from now until 4 o'clock as a thank you to our loyal tenants"
Everyone gets up to go get a pretzel, except for Stanley, who looks disgusted.
Stanley (TH): Last week I got a home soft pretzel maker. In the last 7 days I've eaten 36 soft pretzels. I don't think I'll be having another one for quite some time.
An hour later, the camera catches Stanley waiting in line.
Stanley: I guess one more won't hurt.
-----
There was other one that at first seemed really silly and fun, but in the middle of working on the visual component for it, it started to seem morally questionable / in bad taste so I abandoned it and won't post what I completed here.
Anyway, back to the entry I submitted: Because of the 50-word limit, I fiddled with it more than I did for most of the other entries. The biggest change was the ending, which until a couple hours before I submitted it was:
Pam: Where did you...
Michael looks at the camera.
Pam: Michael!
Not a big change obviously, but I fretted over it nonetheless. While at first I regretted the change after submitting my entry, now I like how he lied with the polygraph right there. Anyway, as I've written here before, I think the polygraph scenes from this last season of Reno 911! were the best scenes the show has ever done, and I think it would be awesome if The Office did an episode that involved a polygraph (probably as the B story). I'm sure the writers could come up with some awesome stuff several million times funnier and more creative than I ever could.
Anyway, I submitted my final votes a little bit ago. Like I said before, there were a good number of photo entries in addition to the written entries, as well as an animated entry (but no audio entries), so that, along with how short the written entries were, definitely made picking 3 favorites more difficult than any of the other weeks. After reading all the entries a bunch of times I had 2 favorites and 3 that were close behind, and then I reread those 3 several more times until I had my 3rd favorite.
This year's contest flew by so fast, it's hard to believe it's already over. Looking back at my own entries, the only one I really wish I could go back and change is probably the one for Karen's last words. I had 12 more words I could have used, and the other day I thought of something cool to use since the setting was an alternate universe: A laugh track! I don't know why I didn't think of that when I was working on the prompt. The only difficult part would have been picking where to put them. But that's not what I would have added. Instead, I would have added a Kevin talking head at the end, with him either adding something to his Pam/Karen list, remarking about what a wonderful day it was, that now he could die happy, or something like that. Looking back at everyone else's entries, all I have to say is wow. I have a long way to go before I can hope to get anything other than the least best award. But, as with the previous Office summer writing contests, it was a hell of a lot of fun and I look forward to next year's contest.
There are still 2 months until Season 5 starts. With no more weekly prompts to work on, and reading everyone else's incredible entries to look forward to, and just the soul-crushing golf this summer at DMI, it's going to seem like forever.
My entry:
Michael: Who wants to try my new polygraph? Besides Dwight.
(Silence)
Michael: I tested it last night. It's fun.
(Silence)
Michael: Pam?
Pam: ... Alright.
A minute later, Dwight is connecting everything.
Michael: Oh, those go on your fingers? Whoops.
Pam: Where did you...
Michael: Kidding!
Michael looks at the camera.
--------------------------
The big thing about this prompt was that written entries were limited to 50 words, while non-written entries had no word or time limits. At first I had no intention of doing a written entry, wanting instead to do an audio entry using one of the ideas I had from before the contest began, where [redacted]. But that seemed kind of off for the prompt, and when people started actually submitting 50 words (plus pictures) entries, I didn't want to be the one person with a 5 minute audio entry. Also, it turns out I vastly overestimated my audio creation and editing skills, and I didn't get much past downloading a few audio samples. I think it would have been really cool if I had been able to pull it off, but it was not to be. I was going to post the written version of what this entry would have been, but after thinking about it, I think I'll wait to see if I can use it on DMI somehow. After I decided to go with a written entry, the 50 word maximum was even more restricting than I first suspected. With the bigger word limits I was OK with having a mediocre basic idea and then sprucing things up by adding other things to it so that it wasn't too embarassing. But with just 50 words to work with, the basic idea has to be really good or else it's a lost cause. Whereas with past weeks I wanted to wait till late in the week to submit my entry to make sure I didn't regret not including something good I thought of later in the week, I usually submitted my entry early out of fear someone else would do the same idea. Well this week I didn't enter until Sunday because I didn't know for sure what I was going to do until Sunday morning, as I didn't like many of my ideas. Here are a few of the other entries I came up with:
Maury Povich: Andy, you... ARE NOT the father.
Andy: Dammit.
Maury: Dwight Schrute, you... ARE NOT the father.
Dwight: Frak.
Angela: If it's not them, there's only one other person it could be.
Maury: Please welcome Roy Anderson!
Roy: Hi Angela, Maury.
Maury: Roy, you... ARE the father.
Roy: Alright!
-----
Chili's
Michael: Over the past year, I've changed my spending habits considerately, and I'm no longer in debt. In recognition of this accomplishment, I'm proud to present myself... (removes blanket) this!
Next day
Holly: (Laughing) Michael, this fake expense report is hilarious! $6,400 for... that. Good one!
Michael turns white.
-----
(note: the following one is significantly over the 50-word limit)
"Attention Scranton business park, there will be complimentary pretzels available in the lobby from now until 4 o'clock as a thank you to our loyal tenants"
Everyone gets up to go get a pretzel, except for Stanley, who looks disgusted.
Stanley (TH): Last week I got a home soft pretzel maker. In the last 7 days I've eaten 36 soft pretzels. I don't think I'll be having another one for quite some time.
An hour later, the camera catches Stanley waiting in line.
Stanley: I guess one more won't hurt.
-----
There was other one that at first seemed really silly and fun, but in the middle of working on the visual component for it, it started to seem morally questionable / in bad taste so I abandoned it and won't post what I completed here.
Anyway, back to the entry I submitted: Because of the 50-word limit, I fiddled with it more than I did for most of the other entries. The biggest change was the ending, which until a couple hours before I submitted it was:
Pam: Where did you...
Michael looks at the camera.
Pam: Michael!
Not a big change obviously, but I fretted over it nonetheless. While at first I regretted the change after submitting my entry, now I like how he lied with the polygraph right there. Anyway, as I've written here before, I think the polygraph scenes from this last season of Reno 911! were the best scenes the show has ever done, and I think it would be awesome if The Office did an episode that involved a polygraph (probably as the B story). I'm sure the writers could come up with some awesome stuff several million times funnier and more creative than I ever could.
Anyway, I submitted my final votes a little bit ago. Like I said before, there were a good number of photo entries in addition to the written entries, as well as an animated entry (but no audio entries), so that, along with how short the written entries were, definitely made picking 3 favorites more difficult than any of the other weeks. After reading all the entries a bunch of times I had 2 favorites and 3 that were close behind, and then I reread those 3 several more times until I had my 3rd favorite.
This year's contest flew by so fast, it's hard to believe it's already over. Looking back at my own entries, the only one I really wish I could go back and change is probably the one for Karen's last words. I had 12 more words I could have used, and the other day I thought of something cool to use since the setting was an alternate universe: A laugh track! I don't know why I didn't think of that when I was working on the prompt. The only difficult part would have been picking where to put them. But that's not what I would have added. Instead, I would have added a Kevin talking head at the end, with him either adding something to his Pam/Karen list, remarking about what a wonderful day it was, that now he could die happy, or something like that. Looking back at everyone else's entries, all I have to say is wow. I have a long way to go before I can hope to get anything other than the least best award. But, as with the previous Office summer writing contests, it was a hell of a lot of fun and I look forward to next year's contest.
There are still 2 months until Season 5 starts. With no more weekly prompts to work on, and reading everyone else's incredible entries to look forward to, and just the soul-crushing golf this summer at DMI, it's going to seem like forever.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Three insanely awesome things from The Onion this week.
This week The Onion really outdid themselves, with 3 things that are just insanely awesome. First up is this video that debuted Monday.
Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat
Next up is the newest entry in the Point / Counterpoint series:
Point: You're Never Too Old For Laser Tag By Will Gallant
vs.
Counterpoint: Sir, If You're Not Accompanying A Minor I'm Going To Have To Ask You To Leave By Alex Hart, LaserAdventure Mission Commander
And finally, Wednesday night's video, probably one of the three best Today Now! videos ever (along with "Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation With Wish For Unlimited Wishes" and "How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election"). Be sure to watch it a second time to catch the "For Best Results" tips.
Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' From Recipe That Came To Him In A Dream
Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat
Next up is the newest entry in the Point / Counterpoint series:
Point: You're Never Too Old For Laser Tag By Will Gallant
vs.
Counterpoint: Sir, If You're Not Accompanying A Minor I'm Going To Have To Ask You To Leave By Alex Hart, LaserAdventure Mission Commander
And finally, Wednesday night's video, probably one of the three best Today Now! videos ever (along with "Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation With Wish For Unlimited Wishes" and "How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election"). Be sure to watch it a second time to catch the "For Best Results" tips.
Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' From Recipe That Came To Him In A Dream
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Point Pale Ale
A couple weeks ago I bought a 6-pack of Point Pale Ale. I looked up reviews for it on BeerPal.com after I got it and the reviews were mixed. When I drank the first one that night, I thought it was one of the best beers I'd ever had. I had the second one tonight and it was not nearly as good as I remember the first one being.
So now you know.
So now you know.
Northern Attack's 2008 Summer Hiatus Contest - Week 7
The prompt from Week #7: I have PEOPLE skills! I am GOOD at DEALING with PEOPLE!
My entry:
Invaded
Michael: Seriously, Bobs, you have got to try this steak.
Bob Porter: No thanks.
Michael: Well then at least have a kabob, Bob.
Bob Slydell: Is that a crack at my name, fattie?
Michael: No, and I'm eating for two, thank you very much.
Porter: Let's get down to it. We have some questions for you.
Michael: Okay, let's get this over with. That's what she said.
Slydell: During an average workday, how many jokes do you tell?
Michael: A dozen probably.
Porter: How many fridgolous conference room meetings?
Michael: One or two.
Slydell: How much time do you spend entertaining your workers?
Michael: A couple hours.
Porter: Thanks for your honesty. I'll be honest too. We think you need to focus on your comedy: Jokes, impersonations, all that. Let the salespeople do the sales, and forget everything else. Your job is comedy.
Michael: ...
Slydell: Is something wrong?
Michael: I think my water just broke.
A gigantic red stapler descends from the ceiling.
Stapler: MICHAEL!
Michael awakens on Jan's couch. He is wet all over. Jan is standing over him holding an empty glass.
Jan: What have I told you about leaving the TV on at night? How are you going to hear me if I need something?
Michael: Sorry.
Jan walks away. Michael watches the TV for a minute.
Michael (Talking to himself): Ugh, Office Space. Who in the world would spend their free time watching people in a fictional office? ... (Snickers) That boss is such an idiot.
-----------------------------
A month ago or so I think I had a weird dream where Michael was in his office interviewing an applicant for a job and he was eating a bunch of food during it. Lasagna is what I remember, but there was other stuff I'm sure. I decided I'd try to incorporate it into an entry if possible, and this seemed like a good opportunity to do so. Last night I unplugged everything because there was a thunderstorm warning, and during that time I wrote out everything I wanted to include in my entry. After I got done, I obviously had no way to count the words to get an idea at where I was in relation to the 250 word limit, and all night I was worried I was at like 750 words or something, and I'd either have to eliminate huge portions of stuff or do something else entirely. I was relieved when I typed it up, and found that it was just over the 250 word limit, and the only thing I had to cut was the part where Michael talked about how good the food was, choked while doing so, and then choked again after he woke up, and he had been chewing on one of Jan's candles during the dream. But that wasn't too big of loss. One thing I debated about was I originally had The Bob's second question refer to "unnecessary conference room meetings," then changed it to frivolous, then finally to fridgolous - even in Michael's dreams he messes up words, even if they aren't his own. If nothing else, another clue that something is definitely not right. Anyway, there's just one more week to go, and I've had so much fun writing my entries and reading everyone else's amazing entries I'm really going to miss it when it's over. Also, I have 3 more ideas that I'd really like to use for entries, but at most I'll only get to use 1 of them, as there's no way they'd still be relevant by the time (fingers crossed) next year's contest rolls around.
My entry:
Invaded
Michael: Seriously, Bobs, you have got to try this steak.
Bob Porter: No thanks.
Michael: Well then at least have a kabob, Bob.
Bob Slydell: Is that a crack at my name, fattie?
Michael: No, and I'm eating for two, thank you very much.
Porter: Let's get down to it. We have some questions for you.
Michael: Okay, let's get this over with. That's what she said.
Slydell: During an average workday, how many jokes do you tell?
Michael: A dozen probably.
Porter: How many fridgolous conference room meetings?
Michael: One or two.
Slydell: How much time do you spend entertaining your workers?
Michael: A couple hours.
Porter: Thanks for your honesty. I'll be honest too. We think you need to focus on your comedy: Jokes, impersonations, all that. Let the salespeople do the sales, and forget everything else. Your job is comedy.
Michael: ...
Slydell: Is something wrong?
Michael: I think my water just broke.
A gigantic red stapler descends from the ceiling.
Stapler: MICHAEL!
Michael awakens on Jan's couch. He is wet all over. Jan is standing over him holding an empty glass.
Jan: What have I told you about leaving the TV on at night? How are you going to hear me if I need something?
Michael: Sorry.
Jan walks away. Michael watches the TV for a minute.
Michael (Talking to himself): Ugh, Office Space. Who in the world would spend their free time watching people in a fictional office? ... (Snickers) That boss is such an idiot.
-----------------------------
A month ago or so I think I had a weird dream where Michael was in his office interviewing an applicant for a job and he was eating a bunch of food during it. Lasagna is what I remember, but there was other stuff I'm sure. I decided I'd try to incorporate it into an entry if possible, and this seemed like a good opportunity to do so. Last night I unplugged everything because there was a thunderstorm warning, and during that time I wrote out everything I wanted to include in my entry. After I got done, I obviously had no way to count the words to get an idea at where I was in relation to the 250 word limit, and all night I was worried I was at like 750 words or something, and I'd either have to eliminate huge portions of stuff or do something else entirely. I was relieved when I typed it up, and found that it was just over the 250 word limit, and the only thing I had to cut was the part where Michael talked about how good the food was, choked while doing so, and then choked again after he woke up, and he had been chewing on one of Jan's candles during the dream. But that wasn't too big of loss. One thing I debated about was I originally had The Bob's second question refer to "unnecessary conference room meetings," then changed it to frivolous, then finally to fridgolous - even in Michael's dreams he messes up words, even if they aren't his own. If nothing else, another clue that something is definitely not right. Anyway, there's just one more week to go, and I've had so much fun writing my entries and reading everyone else's amazing entries I'm really going to miss it when it's over. Also, I have 3 more ideas that I'd really like to use for entries, but at most I'll only get to use 1 of them, as there's no way they'd still be relevant by the time (fingers crossed) next year's contest rolls around.
Northern Attack's 2008 Summer Hiatus Contest - Week 6
The prompt from Week #6: Accepted
My entry:
A^2 + B^2 = C^2
As I'm sure a bright individual such as yourself knows, the above equation is the Pythagorean Theorem. I learned it several years ago in math class. Normally it relates to triangles or something, but to me it stands for something else, namely: Andy + Bernard = Cornell.
I've always had my heart set on Cornell, and in many ways I think it's my destiny. The fourteenth word I ever said was 'one,' which is an important part of Cornell, since without 'one,' Cornell would just be 'Crll.' After my recent campus visit, I have no doubt that Cornell University is the one for me.
I've always taken education seriously, which is apparent from looking at my history. Not so much by looking at my grades or standardized test scores, obviously, but rather through other, less quantifiable ways. Unfortunately I don't have time to go into these here.
When not in the classroom, two of my favorite activities are Frisbee and golf. I passionately believe that if there was some hybrid sport that combined Frisbee and golf, Gobee it might be called, that that would be the perfect sport. Unless you disagree, in which case I could see your point and I would then reconsider my position. No doubt I would eventually be swayed by your logic, and after rethinking things I too think that it wouldn't be the perfect sport, but it would be good to a lesser degree, similar to what you think. Like they say, great minds think alike!
Additionally, I enjoy singing whenever I get a chance. You'll find enclosed a tape of me singing "Cornell Victorious" and the "New Cornell Fight Song." Feel free to make copies for your friends!
As you can tell, I have high hopes for attending Cornell next fall. But if for some inconceivable reason that doesn't happen, I hope you'll save a spot for me in next year's admission class to Columbia University. To be honest, it's not my first choice, but at least it's still a C-word university in New York, right? Ogay Ionslay!
-----------------------
After I first read the prompt, I immediately had several ideas that I thought were decent, but it wasn't long before I figured out that my writing skills were not up to the task of writing for any of those ideas. I read some stuff online about what to do and what not to do in college essays, and hopefully that shows. I know more than a few parts don't sound anything like Andy, but I rationalized that in high school his methods would have been rather crude compared to what they have been in the last 2 seasons on the show.
There were 16 entries for this prompt, and I had a very difficult time deciding on three favorites. After reading all the entries a bunch of times I ended up with 6 that stood apart, and after reading those a bunch more times I had 3 favorites. I changed my pick for a 3rd favorite multiple times before sending in my votes.
My entry:
A^2 + B^2 = C^2
As I'm sure a bright individual such as yourself knows, the above equation is the Pythagorean Theorem. I learned it several years ago in math class. Normally it relates to triangles or something, but to me it stands for something else, namely: Andy + Bernard = Cornell.
I've always had my heart set on Cornell, and in many ways I think it's my destiny. The fourteenth word I ever said was 'one,' which is an important part of Cornell, since without 'one,' Cornell would just be 'Crll.' After my recent campus visit, I have no doubt that Cornell University is the one for me.
I've always taken education seriously, which is apparent from looking at my history. Not so much by looking at my grades or standardized test scores, obviously, but rather through other, less quantifiable ways. Unfortunately I don't have time to go into these here.
When not in the classroom, two of my favorite activities are Frisbee and golf. I passionately believe that if there was some hybrid sport that combined Frisbee and golf, Gobee it might be called, that that would be the perfect sport. Unless you disagree, in which case I could see your point and I would then reconsider my position. No doubt I would eventually be swayed by your logic, and after rethinking things I too think that it wouldn't be the perfect sport, but it would be good to a lesser degree, similar to what you think. Like they say, great minds think alike!
Additionally, I enjoy singing whenever I get a chance. You'll find enclosed a tape of me singing "Cornell Victorious" and the "New Cornell Fight Song." Feel free to make copies for your friends!
As you can tell, I have high hopes for attending Cornell next fall. But if for some inconceivable reason that doesn't happen, I hope you'll save a spot for me in next year's admission class to Columbia University. To be honest, it's not my first choice, but at least it's still a C-word university in New York, right? Ogay Ionslay!
-----------------------
After I first read the prompt, I immediately had several ideas that I thought were decent, but it wasn't long before I figured out that my writing skills were not up to the task of writing for any of those ideas. I read some stuff online about what to do and what not to do in college essays, and hopefully that shows. I know more than a few parts don't sound anything like Andy, but I rationalized that in high school his methods would have been rather crude compared to what they have been in the last 2 seasons on the show.
There were 16 entries for this prompt, and I had a very difficult time deciding on three favorites. After reading all the entries a bunch of times I ended up with 6 that stood apart, and after reading those a bunch more times I had 3 favorites. I changed my pick for a 3rd favorite multiple times before sending in my votes.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
the poker bug
I haven't played poker online for at least a year, maybe 2, but I've been following the updates on this year's WSOP daily on CardPlayer, and I got the bug to play again. So tonight I played 4 10 person sit and go tournaments, and in order I got 2nd, 1st, 3rd, and the 4th is at level 3 right now. I had a really bad headache earlier, but thanks to a couple aspirin it's gone now for the most part.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Northern Attack's 2008 Summer Hiatus Contest - Week 5
The prompt from Week #5: Spinning Your Wheels? Well, Spin This!
My entry:
The Adventures of Beetman
Dwayne Spruce is the esteemed regional manager of Bender-Turanga paper company in Steamtown, USA. He also leads a secret life as the incredible Beetman, one of the rare vegetable inspired superheroes.
Highlights from the show's 7th episode, "Beetman Battles the Prankster VII."
It's a normal, exhilarating day at the office when the mischievous Prankster appears. He has somehow put Spruce's entire desk in gelatin.
Spruce walks out of the kitchen and sees his desk, then tells the receptionist he has to go see the dentist.
Moments later, onlookers see something moving through the parking lot.
Onlooker #1: Over there! It's a turnip...
Onlooker #2: It's a huge red crayon...
Onlooker #3: It's Beetman!
Beetman arrives in the office and removes from his belt a can of his specially formulated beet-derived prank repellent, and sprays the entire desk with it.
The gelatin changes color, flies off the desk, and wraps around the Prankster, encasing him in gelatin from the neck down.
Beetman removes a small chunk of gelatin and tastes it.
Beetman: Prankster, your deed was malicious, but your crimson prison is delicious.
Later, April O'Martin, the Peabody Award winning reporter from Steamtown's Channel 4 News and Spruce's secret girlfriend, arrives at the scene to collect statements from observers.
Later still, Spruce and O'Martin are in the Beetcave reading the statements.
April: Could you put me in gelatin?
Dwayne: Yeah, but why?
April: And eat your way to me?
Dwayne grins.
Fade to black.
-----------------------
After probably a hundred bad ideas (even by my standards), I got the idea for my entry on Tuesday. I was working on it Wednesday night when I saw an entry that had been posted that contained some similar things. I figured I'd have to use another idea, but after trying and failing to come up with something else I liked for a couple days, I was back to Beetman. I don't like writing dialogue, but I do like writing visual descriptions. A couple weeks ago I thought it would be funny to do a post with all visual descriptions except for one short line of dialogue. I didn't think I'd actually do it, but this entry is pretty close with a ton of visual descriptions and very little dialogue. If I had it to differently, I would have done something that was more creative, since I thought to fit the prompt, Dwight's show would probably not be terribly creative.
For the other entries, there were only 14 of them, so that sucked, but they were all awesome, so that made reading them very fun, but made voting difficult. I don't know if I misunderstood the prompt, but I was surprised at how many of the entries were in-Office universe spin-offs for the characters, something I never considered doing, as I instead focusing on the question from the prompt: "Tell us what one (or more) of the characters from The Office would do if given the opportunity to star in their dream television show." Anyway, I ended up having 3 favorites and 3 tied for second.
My entry:
The Adventures of Beetman
Dwayne Spruce is the esteemed regional manager of Bender-Turanga paper company in Steamtown, USA. He also leads a secret life as the incredible Beetman, one of the rare vegetable inspired superheroes.
Highlights from the show's 7th episode, "Beetman Battles the Prankster VII."
It's a normal, exhilarating day at the office when the mischievous Prankster appears. He has somehow put Spruce's entire desk in gelatin.
Spruce walks out of the kitchen and sees his desk, then tells the receptionist he has to go see the dentist.
Moments later, onlookers see something moving through the parking lot.
Onlooker #1: Over there! It's a turnip...
Onlooker #2: It's a huge red crayon...
Onlooker #3: It's Beetman!
Beetman arrives in the office and removes from his belt a can of his specially formulated beet-derived prank repellent, and sprays the entire desk with it.
The gelatin changes color, flies off the desk, and wraps around the Prankster, encasing him in gelatin from the neck down.
Beetman removes a small chunk of gelatin and tastes it.
Beetman: Prankster, your deed was malicious, but your crimson prison is delicious.
Later, April O'Martin, the Peabody Award winning reporter from Steamtown's Channel 4 News and Spruce's secret girlfriend, arrives at the scene to collect statements from observers.
Later still, Spruce and O'Martin are in the Beetcave reading the statements.
April: Could you put me in gelatin?
Dwayne: Yeah, but why?
April: And eat your way to me?
Dwayne grins.
Fade to black.
-----------------------
After probably a hundred bad ideas (even by my standards), I got the idea for my entry on Tuesday. I was working on it Wednesday night when I saw an entry that had been posted that contained some similar things. I figured I'd have to use another idea, but after trying and failing to come up with something else I liked for a couple days, I was back to Beetman. I don't like writing dialogue, but I do like writing visual descriptions. A couple weeks ago I thought it would be funny to do a post with all visual descriptions except for one short line of dialogue. I didn't think I'd actually do it, but this entry is pretty close with a ton of visual descriptions and very little dialogue. If I had it to differently, I would have done something that was more creative, since I thought to fit the prompt, Dwight's show would probably not be terribly creative.
For the other entries, there were only 14 of them, so that sucked, but they were all awesome, so that made reading them very fun, but made voting difficult. I don't know if I misunderstood the prompt, but I was surprised at how many of the entries were in-Office universe spin-offs for the characters, something I never considered doing, as I instead focusing on the question from the prompt: "Tell us what one (or more) of the characters from The Office would do if given the opportunity to star in their dream television show." Anyway, I ended up having 3 favorites and 3 tied for second.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Northern Attack's 2008 Summer Hiatus Contest - Week 4
For the week 3 entries, even though there were a lot of basic similarities considering the rather specific prompt, I think all of the other entries were very good. I ended up having 1 favorite, 2 that were right behind, and 3 that were tied for 4th.
In contrast to the specific week 3 prompt, the week 4 prompt gave us room to explore all kinds of creative space with our entries.
The prompt from Week #4: Besmirched, Befuddled & Besieged
My entry:
Befuddled
A man wearing a white suit and carrying a silver briefcase walks into the office.
Pam: Hi, can I help you?
The man ignores her and continues walking until he gets to the desk facing Meredith's. He sits, opens his briefcase, removes a folder, and begins working on the computer.
Most everyone in the main office area stops working and starts watching this man.
Meredith leans to the side to look at him, looks down, then looks again.
Phyllis: Oh my god... TOM?
Kelly, who's standing at the watercooler, gasps then faints. Stanley looks at her, rolls his eyes, then resumes working.
Phyllis: Tom, is that you?
"Tom" remains silent and continues working.
Kevin grabs his M&M jar and holds it close.
Dwight removes something from his desk drawer, gets up, and walks toward Tom.
Jim: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight approaches Tom, holding an unfolded shovel above his head.
Jim moves quickly and grabs the shovel then stands in front of Dwight.
Dwight: Dammit, Jim! I have to destroy his brain.
Jim: No, you don't.
Dwight: Jim, if he bites you, I'll destroy your brain and take great pleasure doing so.
Jim: Fair enough.
After a few minutes of everyone watching in silence, Tom closes his work on the computer, puts the folder in his briefcase, gets up, and walks out of the office.
Michael opens the door to his office, unaware of what happened.
Michael: (Laughs) You guys aren't going to believe... (Looks around) What's going on?
Pam: I... I have no idea.
Minutes later, Michael comes out of the conference room.
Michael: Pam, get Bill Murray on the phone, now!
Creed (TH): Me? Why does everyone automatically suspect I'm involved every time somebody comes back from the dead? (Pause) Ok, don't tell anyone, but it was a guy I know from Toronto who could pass as Tom's twin. He owed me one, so I said we'd call it even if he came here to liven things up a bit. (Pause) Who's useless now, Amelia?
Meredith (TH): (Smoking a cigarette) Well, he's no Sam Wheat.
-------------------
The first idea I had about using Tom was a lot more complicated than the story here. The complete story would take at least 1,000 words, and if at all possible, I'd like to finish the story in one or more of the remaining prompts. I've never seen Ghost so I don't know how memorable that character's name is, but it seemed like since that's one of Meredith's desert island movies she would refer to him by name and not "that guy from Ghost" or "Patrick Swayze's character from Ghost."
I said I was going to try to wait to post my entry this week until Saturday or Sunday, and I made it to Friday. Although I didn't meet my goal, I did better than I did the first 3 weeks. One thing that will help me to hold off posting is that the extra time I spent tweaking my entry before posting it made it a ton better than it was originally was. Even if it still sucks, it's a hundred times less sucky than it originally was.
This week, hardly anyone posted their entry until the last few hours before the deadline. I can't imagine doing that. Besides worrying that someone else would post a similar and no doubt superior entry based on the same idea as me with no time to come up with something else, with my luck my Internet would probably go out and then I'd miss the deadline. I sent in my votes a little bit ago for week 4 and I had 3 favorites, and 5 more that I also liked a whole bunch. It's funny how in the test threads so many people are self-deprecating about their entries, that the entry sucks, or they won't get any votes. The other contest participants are all insanely smart, creative, and funny, and they're still very humble about their talent. As a non-writer who's not nearly as smart, creative, or funny as everyone else, I know that I have no chance of winning a prize in the contest, and I'd be pleased to find out I got a single vote over the course of the entire contest, or at least know that no one sent emails asking that I be blocked from the contest for my lame entries that are wasting people's time. Anyway, the week 5 prompt was posted yesterday, and so far I've had probably a hundred ideas for it, although I don't think any of them have been particularly good.
In contrast to the specific week 3 prompt, the week 4 prompt gave us room to explore all kinds of creative space with our entries.
The prompt from Week #4: Besmirched, Befuddled & Besieged
My entry:
Befuddled
A man wearing a white suit and carrying a silver briefcase walks into the office.
Pam: Hi, can I help you?
The man ignores her and continues walking until he gets to the desk facing Meredith's. He sits, opens his briefcase, removes a folder, and begins working on the computer.
Most everyone in the main office area stops working and starts watching this man.
Meredith leans to the side to look at him, looks down, then looks again.
Phyllis: Oh my god... TOM?
Kelly, who's standing at the watercooler, gasps then faints. Stanley looks at her, rolls his eyes, then resumes working.
Phyllis: Tom, is that you?
"Tom" remains silent and continues working.
Kevin grabs his M&M jar and holds it close.
Dwight removes something from his desk drawer, gets up, and walks toward Tom.
Jim: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight approaches Tom, holding an unfolded shovel above his head.
Jim moves quickly and grabs the shovel then stands in front of Dwight.
Dwight: Dammit, Jim! I have to destroy his brain.
Jim: No, you don't.
Dwight: Jim, if he bites you, I'll destroy your brain and take great pleasure doing so.
Jim: Fair enough.
After a few minutes of everyone watching in silence, Tom closes his work on the computer, puts the folder in his briefcase, gets up, and walks out of the office.
Michael opens the door to his office, unaware of what happened.
Michael: (Laughs) You guys aren't going to believe... (Looks around) What's going on?
Pam: I... I have no idea.
Minutes later, Michael comes out of the conference room.
Michael: Pam, get Bill Murray on the phone, now!
Creed (TH): Me? Why does everyone automatically suspect I'm involved every time somebody comes back from the dead? (Pause) Ok, don't tell anyone, but it was a guy I know from Toronto who could pass as Tom's twin. He owed me one, so I said we'd call it even if he came here to liven things up a bit. (Pause) Who's useless now, Amelia?
Meredith (TH): (Smoking a cigarette) Well, he's no Sam Wheat.
-------------------
The first idea I had about using Tom was a lot more complicated than the story here. The complete story would take at least 1,000 words, and if at all possible, I'd like to finish the story in one or more of the remaining prompts. I've never seen Ghost so I don't know how memorable that character's name is, but it seemed like since that's one of Meredith's desert island movies she would refer to him by name and not "that guy from Ghost" or "Patrick Swayze's character from Ghost."
I said I was going to try to wait to post my entry this week until Saturday or Sunday, and I made it to Friday. Although I didn't meet my goal, I did better than I did the first 3 weeks. One thing that will help me to hold off posting is that the extra time I spent tweaking my entry before posting it made it a ton better than it was originally was. Even if it still sucks, it's a hundred times less sucky than it originally was.
This week, hardly anyone posted their entry until the last few hours before the deadline. I can't imagine doing that. Besides worrying that someone else would post a similar and no doubt superior entry based on the same idea as me with no time to come up with something else, with my luck my Internet would probably go out and then I'd miss the deadline. I sent in my votes a little bit ago for week 4 and I had 3 favorites, and 5 more that I also liked a whole bunch. It's funny how in the test threads so many people are self-deprecating about their entries, that the entry sucks, or they won't get any votes. The other contest participants are all insanely smart, creative, and funny, and they're still very humble about their talent. As a non-writer who's not nearly as smart, creative, or funny as everyone else, I know that I have no chance of winning a prize in the contest, and I'd be pleased to find out I got a single vote over the course of the entire contest, or at least know that no one sent emails asking that I be blocked from the contest for my lame entries that are wasting people's time. Anyway, the week 5 prompt was posted yesterday, and so far I've had probably a hundred ideas for it, although I don't think any of them have been particularly good.
My 100th blog post and The Beast With A Billion Backs
It took just over a year, but this is my 100th blog post. I don't have anything special to post for this. These 100 blog posts have gotten a total of 3 comments - yay! - so here's hoping for at least 3 more comments on my posts over the coming year.
Tonight I watched the new Futurama movie The Beast With A Billion Backs. It was pretty good, although I don't think it was as good as the first Futurama movie, Bender's Big Score. There was an awesome deleted scene (storyboarded only) where it was St. Asimov Day in New New York. I wish they had included that in the movie. The DVD also included the cut scenes from the Futurama PS2 game. The cut scenes, along with a little bit of game play footage, added up to a full 30 minutes. Although the animation was crummy computer animation, the story was awesome. I think it was probably even better than the story from the movie. Plus, even though I think I remember that the reviews said the game was mediocre, from the footage it looked pretty cool. I checked online and the game is out of print now and is pretty expensive, although maybe the price of it will come down now that the cut scenes are all included on this new DVD.
Tonight I watched the new Futurama movie The Beast With A Billion Backs. It was pretty good, although I don't think it was as good as the first Futurama movie, Bender's Big Score. There was an awesome deleted scene (storyboarded only) where it was St. Asimov Day in New New York. I wish they had included that in the movie. The DVD also included the cut scenes from the Futurama PS2 game. The cut scenes, along with a little bit of game play footage, added up to a full 30 minutes. Although the animation was crummy computer animation, the story was awesome. I think it was probably even better than the story from the movie. Plus, even though I think I remember that the reviews said the game was mediocre, from the footage it looked pretty cool. I checked online and the game is out of print now and is pretty expensive, although maybe the price of it will come down now that the cut scenes are all included on this new DVD.
Two bits of news from the music world
Today I found out two things from the music world, one good and one bad.
First the bad: It was announced in April, although I just found out today, that RiotBecki and Rosay, 2 of the 3 members of The Pipettes, are no longer in the band, and have been replaced by two other singers. I really liked the band's debut album, and I'll check out their next album when it's released, but I'm not optimistic.
The good: The yet untitled 3rd album by Dido is scheduled for release on September 23, 2008. That's less than 3 months from today!
Edit (8/5/08): Apparently Dido's 3rd album has been pushed back to November 4, 2008. At this rate I'll be surprised if it's released before the end of the year.
First the bad: It was announced in April, although I just found out today, that RiotBecki and Rosay, 2 of the 3 members of The Pipettes, are no longer in the band, and have been replaced by two other singers. I really liked the band's debut album, and I'll check out their next album when it's released, but I'm not optimistic.
The good: The yet untitled 3rd album by Dido is scheduled for release on September 23, 2008. That's less than 3 months from today!
Edit (8/5/08): Apparently Dido's 3rd album has been pushed back to November 4, 2008. At this rate I'll be surprised if it's released before the end of the year.
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